Friday, August 25, 2006

I can't get no satisfaction

I'm having some difficulty with blogging at the minute. I think this may be a symptom of something bigger and I feel like I need a bit of a break to sort out what's going on in my head and in the rest of my life.

I'm having a hard time trying to articulate what exactly is wrong but I think perhaps the word is dissatisfaction. I start teacher training on Monday which means the summer is pretty much over and I just don't feel that I've achieved enough in the time that I've had. At the same time though, I feel guilty for thinking that way because I know that's not really true and that I have actually done a lot in the past couple of months: I've been on a lovely relaxing holiday with Steven, I've graduated, I've read books just because I wanted to, I can knit a little, I've passed my theory test and I can pretty much drive (although I'm not quite ready to take a test yet).

What I'm wondering is whether I always feel like this at the end of the summer - and whether everyone gets this way. The beginning of summer always seems to promise so much - sunshine and happiness and endless free time to do all the things you've been wanting to do for the rest of the year. That puts you under an awful lot of pressure and almost guarantees disappointment if by the end of the summer you've not done everything you'd been dreaming about doing.

Lately I've got a bit dissaffected with my blog, mainly because I don't feel like I'm doing anything that anyone would really be interested in reading about. Other people's blogs often inspire me but at the same time reading them somehow reinforces this feeling. So many of the people whose blogs I read have something specific to write about. I don't have kids, nor will I in the near future, broody as some blogs make me. And much as I'd like to be, I'm not crafty - mainly because at the minute I can't afford the equipment or the materials. (Knitting is a start, but a very very slow one.)

I'm looking forward to starting at Moray House but I am nervous about it too. What if I don't enjoy it? I think I will, but I've heard over and over that this is going to be a very hard year. And even once I'm qualified, it's likely that at some point in the future, provided we're still together, Steven and I will move over to Ireland, where there are currently way more teachers than teaching jobs.

So, like this post, everything's feeling a little disjointed chez me currently. Huh - dissatisfied, dissaffected, disjointed - sounds good, no? I think I need a bit of time to chill out a bit and get settled into everything that comes next. Then maybe my blogging enthusiasm will come back to me.


At 11:10 PM, Anonymous wondermom said...

ho hum, it's always like that at the end of the summer, it's not just you. Once you're into the swing of Moray House, life will lighten up and there will be other things to look forward to - trust me!

At 7:01 PM, Anonymous Zoe said...

Aww, petal. You sound a bit down? I can assure you, you're not the only one who feels like this at the end of the summer (and at other times too). I was feeling a bit like this last week with my blog and I've only been doing it for a couple of months! Maybe you're feeling a bit apprehensive about going to Uni?

Just keep at it - I love reading about what you've been up to and your photography is really cool, so there...;)

Chin up and good luck for when you start back to Uni.

Z x

At 6:19 PM, Blogger Steffi said...

As I also feel some kind of dissatifaction I wondered if the beginning of autumn might be- generally and specifically :)- a time to revise and reorganize our priorities. Just a time to think about our lifes and all... For a fresh start, into university for example :)
Don't know, really. Anyway, just wanted to say that you are an inspiration by being you and letting us know about you.


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