Friday, August 25, 2006

I can't get no satisfaction

I'm having some difficulty with blogging at the minute. I think this may be a symptom of something bigger and I feel like I need a bit of a break to sort out what's going on in my head and in the rest of my life.

I'm having a hard time trying to articulate what exactly is wrong but I think perhaps the word is dissatisfaction. I start teacher training on Monday which means the summer is pretty much over and I just don't feel that I've achieved enough in the time that I've had. At the same time though, I feel guilty for thinking that way because I know that's not really true and that I have actually done a lot in the past couple of months: I've been on a lovely relaxing holiday with Steven, I've graduated, I've read books just because I wanted to, I can knit a little, I've passed my theory test and I can pretty much drive (although I'm not quite ready to take a test yet).

What I'm wondering is whether I always feel like this at the end of the summer - and whether everyone gets this way. The beginning of summer always seems to promise so much - sunshine and happiness and endless free time to do all the things you've been wanting to do for the rest of the year. That puts you under an awful lot of pressure and almost guarantees disappointment if by the end of the summer you've not done everything you'd been dreaming about doing.

Lately I've got a bit dissaffected with my blog, mainly because I don't feel like I'm doing anything that anyone would really be interested in reading about. Other people's blogs often inspire me but at the same time reading them somehow reinforces this feeling. So many of the people whose blogs I read have something specific to write about. I don't have kids, nor will I in the near future, broody as some blogs make me. And much as I'd like to be, I'm not crafty - mainly because at the minute I can't afford the equipment or the materials. (Knitting is a start, but a very very slow one.)

I'm looking forward to starting at Moray House but I am nervous about it too. What if I don't enjoy it? I think I will, but I've heard over and over that this is going to be a very hard year. And even once I'm qualified, it's likely that at some point in the future, provided we're still together, Steven and I will move over to Ireland, where there are currently way more teachers than teaching jobs.

So, like this post, everything's feeling a little disjointed chez me currently. Huh - dissatisfied, dissaffected, disjointed - sounds good, no? I think I need a bit of time to chill out a bit and get settled into everything that comes next. Then maybe my blogging enthusiasm will come back to me.

Sunday, August 13, 2006


Steven made us blueberry pancakes this morning. Mmmm!

Friday, August 04, 2006

Self Portrait Challenge

Enclosed Spaces - week 1

In my head, the perfect self-portrait for this week was going to be of me sitting in front of the computer in the little booth while I took my driving theory test on Tuesday. When I thought it through though, I realised that to take my camera into the test with me would probably constitute cheating and I didn't really want to risk that.

I did pass my theory test though, which I'm very pleased and quite relieved about. I had been having a hard time with the Hazard Perception and in the end I got a higher mark for that part in the test than I ever got practising at home before it.

I took this picture on Wednesday, wasn't totally happy and thought I could improve on it but the week is nearly over and so I'm going to go ahead and post it. Storage space is at a premium in our flat, so our hall cupboard is pretty full (although much less full and much more tidy since Steven cleared it out recently). It's a weird triangular shape because it follows the shape of the tenement stair and it has a cool wee mechanism where the light comes on when you open the door and goes off when you close it again. Our hall cupboard are, among other things: a stepladder, hoover, mop and bucket, painting equipment, shoe polish, walking boots, a tent and lots of screws and allan keys in little plastic boxes (all labelled - Steven is almost as anal as I am about some things). Hardly any of which you can actually see in this photo however, because I couldn't get far enough in there without unpacking the whole thing!

More self portraits here and here.